


One of the Dwarves

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Slight Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Being a human in a company of dwarves means you are the odd person out.  But luckily for you, Kili is willing to offer you some pointers to make you one of the dwarves…or it isn’t so lucky when he decides to use his power for a prank…





	One of the Dwarves

Being the human in the group was hard, especially with a group of dwarves.  They weren’t exactly the most trusting people to begin with, especially with other races.  Hey, at least you weren’t an elf. 

 

But even still, the group was always a little distant with you.  You and poor Bilbo.  But after a while, some of them warmed up to him, but not you.  You tried a couple different things, just trying to strike up conversation and such, but no dice. 

 

The only one who was truly friendly with you was Kili.  Fili, by association would chat with you as well, but he was a bit quiet one to begin with, which left Kili as your only ‘in’ with the dwarves.  After a long discussion with him one night, he had decided to help you earn favor with the others.  

 

“Do not fret, Y/n.  Listen to me, and you will be their favorite human in all of Middle Earth!”  That was the exact phrase Kili spoke to you.  He seemed so confident, so honest, so why not trust him?

 

000

 

~The first piece of advice~

 

“A story?”  You asked skeptically.  “You think telling a story will help?” 

 

“Of course!  We dwarves love hearing stories, especially battle stories.  Do you have any of those?”  Kili and you were whispering back and forth by the campfire.  The others were talking amongst themselves, but when you unsuccessfully tried to jump into the conversation, Kili decided to offer some help.

 

“Well…I once shoved a spear up a cave troll’s nose once.”  You said, trying to think of the most entertaining story you could.

 

“You’re kidding!”  Kili exclaimed, much louder than he actually needed to.  At first you thought he was just over excited, maybe dwarves really did enjoy stories.  But then you heard Ori speak. 

 

“What is wrong, Kili?”  The shy little dwarf asked.

 

“You have to hear this!  Y/n shoved a spear up a cave troll’s nose!” 

 

That was how it started, your night of stories.  Kili was right.  After that night, a few of the dwarves had warmed up to you. Even the next morning, they were asking you about the stories you told, helping you gather firewood, and being friendly in general.  You couldn’t thank Kili enough.

 

000

 

~The second piece of advice~

 

“Why are we out here again?”  You asked as you tried to follow Kili away from camp. 

 

“We are going to hunt down some dinner.  You still have some people to win over.  The quickest way to a dwarf’s heart is through his stomach.”  Kili said it as if he were stating a ‘duh’ statement.  It made you want to slap him in the back of the head, but you didn’t, because…well…he had a point. 

 

The two of you worked together and managed to take down a couple large rabbits.  Upon your return, Kili had shoved the rabbits into your hands and put a big smile on his face.  “Look!  Y/n got us some fresh meat!”  He exclaimed, hiding his own involvement in the entire affair. 

 

You were shocked how quickly everyone’s face, even Thorin’s, lit up at the mention of fresh meat.  All eyes were on you as you held them up and gave a soft smile.  “Eat up?” 

 

You had even more friends after that.  Hell, even Thorin had given you thanks for your kill.  Damn, Kili was right.  You thanked him over and over again, so excited that he was such a great friend to help you fit into his band of dwarves.  You were truly starting to feel like a real member of the group, like one of the dwarves.

 

000

 

~The final piece of advice~

 

You gave Kili a skeptical look.  The first two times he offered advice, it had been pretty good advice, but this…this seemed like a suicide mission.  “You want me to…what?” 

 

“Pull on Dwalin’s beard.”  He said simply. 

 

“I like my head where it is.”  You defended.  No way in hell you were going to just go up to the mountain of a warrior that was Dwalin and just yank on his beard.  Somehow, you just had this feeling, that it might piss him off.  Just a bit.  You didn’t want to piss Dwalin off…Dwalin could crush you with his bare hands.

 

“No, you don’t understand.”  Kili whined.  “It is what we do, with fellow warriors.  It is a way to prove your strength.  You go up and pull on their beard, and it shows you are one of them. It is a sign of trust and understanding.”  Kili argued. 

 

Your eyes narrowed.  Either he was telling the truth, or he was an excellent liar.  Having heard of the tricks he has pulled before, you would believe both.  You had a 50/50 chance.  You didn’t like those odds.  You sighed as you looked around the fire.  “Hey, Fili.  Can I ask you a question?”

 

Fili was quick to join you.  You explained what Kili had just said and asked him if that was true.  “Of course, it is.  I do it with uncle all the time.”  He said quickly before turning away and walking off. 

 

You still weren’t sure, but you trusted Kili and Fili.  Neither of them had led you astray yet, so you took a deep breath as you got up and walked towards Dwalin.  You were almost to him when you turned back to Kili, giving him a look.  But you only received a thumbs up before you turned back. 

 

Dwalin looked up to you from where he was sitting on his stump, glaring at you as he usually did.  So… you quickly reached out, grabbed a handful of his beard and yanked…hard.

 

The things that happened after that were like a blur.  You heard cursing, someone grabbed your roughly and snatched you back…hey, there was an axe buried in the dirt where you had been standing.  There were shouts in another language, you were passed between five different dwarves before you were shoved to the ground. 

 

Bombur and a couple others were holding Dwalin back as he glared at you with a look of death.  Well…head…it was nice having you. 

 

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!”  Thorin was standing over you, screaming down at you. 

 

You opened your mouth and closed it a couple times.  You were in shock.  You hadn’t…but… there was only one word that you could say.  “Kili.” 

 

Thorin gave you a look before he took a deep breath and sighed before turning his head slowly and glaring at his nephew.  “This was your doing?”  Oh, man.  The tone of Thorin’s voice, it made you shake in fear.  You looked over to Kili and just mouthed one word.

 

_Run._

 

000

 

It took a few days for everyone to calm down.  You offered an apology to Dwalin at every meal.  He just ignored you, pretended you weren’t there the whole time, but at least he wasn’t trying to kill you now.  Kili was stuck on everything duty.  If there was a chore, he was doing it.  Need firewood, Kili.  Need water, Kili.  Someone to do watch, Kili.  The young dwarf offered you multiple apologies, to which you accepted.  You had to admit, if it had been someone else, you would have thought it was funny.  But never…and you did mean never…would you accept his advice again. 


End file.
